


If I Don't Have You

by brokenhighways



Series: Till We're Burning [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:29:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Jensen tries to break up with Jared, over something that he’s only 10% sure even happened.</p><p>Timestamp for “I Want To Touch You Till We’re Burning”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Don't Have You

It all starts with Mike stealing the remote from Jensen so that he can study in peace. Jensen offers to watch the  _Jersey Shore_  marathon he found on MTV on mute but Mike vetoes it. Firstly, _nobody_ should ever watch Jersey Shore marathons. Secondly, the light from the screen apparently reflects on the glass pane at the top of Mike’s door. This means that Jensen ends up sitting on the couch aimlessly with nothing to do. Usually, he'd head over to the bar and down a few drinks before trying to make sure that he gets laid before the night ends. Of course, now that he has Jared, the latter is irrelevant but Jensen can't help missing the place. For some reason, he and Jared seem to have silently acknowledged that their usual bar is a no-go area.  Jensen doesn't really care where they drink as long as Jared's there with his wild gestures and stories that Jensen's heard at least three times. And as much as he grumbles about those he secretly loves it.  
  
But the new bar, O'Rileys, annoys the hell out of him so he doesn’t really want to go there on his own. And Jared's out with Chad and their friends having some downtime (because he and Jensen most certainly aren't joined at the hip) so Jensen doesn't want to pester him. He could just go and mess around on his laptop for a couple of hours but he's not really in the mood. Chris and Steve are jamming as usual and Jensen's got an open invite, but for some reason he's not in the mood for that either. He sighs as he messes around on his phone for a few minutes before he gives in and texts his boyfriend, " _what u guys up to?"._  His phone buzzes in his hand a second later and Jensen smiles to himself. " _we just ate, heading over to the theater now!!_ " before he can reply his phone buzzes again, indicating that someone’s sent another message. " _come join us if u want_ ". Jensen’s not one for having conversations with Jared via text so he hits the call button and waits for him to pick up.  
  
"Hey, babe," Jared says when he answers and Jensen pulls a face,  
  
"Didn't we discuss the whole not using ‘terms of endearment’ thing recently?" he says and Jared laughs. Jensen is so busy revelling in the sound that he almost misses what Jared says next,  
  
"You know you love it and you can come and join us, the gang won't mind. They keep on hassling me about you!" Jensen's face falls, it’s not that he doesn't want to hang out with them but he's not really going to be much company at the moment.  
  
"Maybe next time."  
  
They hang up soon after that and Jensen spends what feels like hours playing and subsequently clearing every single level of Angry Birds for the umpteenth time. But it's only about twenty minutes in reality.  
  
"Oh, give me a break..." he says to the clock on the wall. It doesn't respond, just sits there ticking away slowly and Jensen sighs yet again.  
  
~*~  
  
Eventually, he ends up at the bar. He vetoes Riley’s and head straight over the old bar. He loves the way tension seems to just ooze out of his shoulders when he steps inside. People call out with greetings and Jensen just smiles lazily as he walks up to the bar. A quick drink and he'll be back home before Jared gets there. But one drink turns into two, which somehow turns into four and an impromptu lap dance from some random guy. By the end of the evening, Jensen's so smashed that he’s pretty sure that he can no longer remain vertical  for more than 30 seconds.  
  
The last thing he remembers is his phone buzzing violently inside his pocket.  
  
~*~  
  
The first thing Jensen realises is that  _this_  is not their beat up couch that he is currently lying on. This means that he's definitely not at home at the moment. So who's the person snoring at the other end?  
  
Fuck.  
  
He sits up at rapid speed and sighs in relief when he's sees that he’s at least fully clothed. But when he tries to recall what happened the night before he comes up blank. Nothing. He remembers the lap-dance but nothing past that point. This is just fucking delightful. He groans softly as he stands up and grabs his jacket which is squashed into the couch. As he leaves the apartment, his phone starts ringing loudly and he curses under his breath. It's not Jared's tone so he answer with a curt,  
  
"What?" and is met with a burst of mocking laughter courtesy of Chris. After about two minutes of that Jensen loses the little patience he has and threatens to hang up.  
  
"Dude, wait. At least let me know what happened, I already told Jared that you crashed here last night."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Uh, because you drunk called me three times and told me all about Troy and his amazing lap dance."  
  
"Fuck," Jensen says as he realises that he doesn't have his wallet on him. He stares miserably at the Starbucks he's passing and sighs.  
  
"Well, four months isn't bad for you, right? I'm sure the kid will forgive you if you come clean,"  
  
"Huh...?"  
  
"Well did you sleep with the guy or not?"  
  
"I don't think so," Jensen says quickly. "But I can't remember if we fooled around or anything. Oh god, that's still classed as cheating isn't it? I have to break up with Jared."  
  
"No Jensen, wai--" but and Jensen cuts off the line as his mind goes into overdrive. Crap.  
  
~*~  
  
So Jensen’s spends the next hour trying to figure out how he’s going to do this. According to Google, by text would be the worst way and face to face the best way. A phone call is out of the way because Jared tends to take over their calls and distracts Jensen in the process. So he settles on a letter. Minutes later, this turns into an email as he realises that he doesn’t have a pen or paper. He finds a bench in the small park nearby and starts tapping away furiously at his phone. He’s on his third line when a shadow looms over him. Without really thinking he asks,  
  
“What’s the best way to break up with someone?” and he looks up to see a random girl staring at him as though he has two heads.  
  
“Uh,” she replies and Jensen looks at her expectantly, frowning as recognition dawns in her eyes. “Hey aren’t you Jensen Ackles?” Jensen moves back reflexively and gives her a small smile.  
  
“In the flesh,”  
  
“You’re breaking up with the tall guy?” she says  _loudly_  and Jensen laughs nervously. If Jared finds out about this as part of the rumour mill, he won’t be pleased. Okay, so he won’t be pleased regardless but Jensen wants to make this as painless as possible. So he attempts to lie.  
  
“Nah, just wondering. For a friend,” he says as the random girl just nods at him as her hands reach down to pull her Blackberry out of her pocket.  
  
It takes less than twenty five minutes for him to get angry text message from Chad demanding that he “CALL HIM NOW” because Chad’s a cheapskate that way. Jensen doesn’t call though, he just high tails it to the campus as far as he can and enters the library. Briefly he wonders if Jared’s working today before remembering that he has today off. Nobody bothers him as he steps out of the elevator and heads over to one of the small study rooms that nobody uses. He needs to think; preferably about what happened yesterday night  _after_  the lap dance. But his stupid phone keeps on buzzing and he answers it with an angry,  
  
“What?” and is met with a sniffle.  
  
“Jensen?” Jared’s voice is raspier than usual and for a minute Jensen starts to panic as he thinks,  _Oh my god he’s been crying._  “Can you buy some Vicodin your way back? I think I’m coming down with something.”  
  
“Uh, sure?” he says, though it comes out sounding like a question and he sighs as he miserably realises that he was never going to win any Boyfriend of the Month awards.  
  
“Jensen?” and that’s Chad’s voice on the line and Jensen swallows down the lump currently forming in his throat.  
  
“Hi…” he says weakly. “What’s up with Jared”.  
  
“He’s sick and before you ask, no he doesn’t know that you’re about to break up with him via text,” Chad’s voice is hollow and cold but it doesn’t stop Jensen from growling,  
  
“That bitch. I vetoed the text!”  
  
“Look, just come home and we can sort this out rationally before Jared finds out”. Jensen hangs up. He’s got the whole speech in his head, how he’s never going to be a decent boyfriend if he can’t be trusted for one day. How, it’s not fair on Jared when Jensen doubts himself so much. But he doesn’t  _want_  to break up with Jared. Things haven’t been completely plain sailing with them but for the most part they’ve been happy. Jensen even has a freaking picture of Jared in his wallet for God’s sake, and he doesn’t do any of that sentimental crap so it definitely means something.  
  
~*~  
  
 _It means that I’m an idiot_ , he concludes about two hours later as he still sits in the room thinking about his latest failure.  
  
“Yeah, you are,” Jared voice comes from the door way and Jensen looks up to see Jared standing there. He stands up from where he’s sitting and because he has no tact, the first thing out of his mouth is,  
  
“You look like  _shit_ ”  
  
“I’d feel better if you’d brought me my Vicodin,” Jared grumbles as he comes into the room, allowing the door to slip closed. He slumps into the chair closest to door and Jensen can’t help the guilt that fills him up inside when he sees how awful Jared looks. His noise is bright red and his eyes are red and puff, his cheeks are pale.  
  
“So I guess you heard about how I was planning to break up with via text?” he asks because nothing stays quiet for long once Chad’s in the know. Jared nods with a weird expression on his face. “Here, you might as well read what I had so far”. He hands Jared’s his phone and watch closely as Jared scans the message. Jared’s shoulders start to shake and Jensen frowns at him in confusion.  
  
“Look, I was going to talk to you face to face,  _I swear,_ ” he starts to protest before he realises that Jared isn’t crying, he’s laughing. In fact he’s laughing so hard that he breaks into a coughing fit and Jensen has to pat him on the back once he’s over it. Needless to say, Jensen’s not amused.  
  
“What’s so funny?” he asks as Jared wipes at his eyes and regains control of his breathing. “I know it’s short and to the point, but I took a lot of time writing it”  
  
“Oh really? It says, “Hi, Jared. So, I might have cheated on you and now I don’t know how to break up with you properly, so I’m hoping that you can read through my social awkwardness and inability to express myself concisely and realise what it is that I’m trying to say here. It’s possible that I fooled around wi—“  
  
“Stop!” Jensen interrupts in protest. “God, when you read it out loud like that it just sounds stupid!”  
  
“That’s because it is stupid!” Jared says as he waves the hand with the phone wildly. “And I think you know it’s stupid, but you’re freaked out over something and trying to use it as an excuse.”  Jensen bites his lip but doesn’t respond as he thinks about what Jared has said. He knows that his boyfriend is right, it’s just, the thought that he possibly made out with someone else is enough to make him think that he maybe doesn’t deserve someone like Jared.  If one drunken night was all it took, then what’s to stop him from doing it again? And he knows first-hand what that kind of uncertainty does to you and your respective partner.  
  
“Why aren’t you even bothered by the fact that I may have cheated on you?” Jensen asks suddenly. He’s not really trying to deflect the conversation – okay, so maybe he  _is_  but still curious minds want to know.  
  
“Because I know that you wouldn’t do that to me,” Jared says, as he wipes at his nose with a tissue that he’s pulled out of his pocket. Jensen regrets asking because the love and trust that he can see in Jared’s eyes just make him feel like a right jerk.  
  
“But last night…”  
  
“You went to the bar, got drunk - got one of Troy’s infamous lap dance’s and crashed at Chris’ place. Simple as.” Jared looks like he’s trying not to smile and Jensen just stares at him for a long while.  
  
“How do you even know that?”  
  
“I have just as many “friends” at that bar as you do; you think you’re not plastered all over Facebook?” Jared says with a snort. “Oh and that guy you went home with – also called Chris – lived on the same dorm as me and Chad last year, he said that you looked a little too worse for wear and that you could crash on his couch”. His eyes light up as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out Jensen’s wallet. Jensen’s mind mentally does a fist pump and starts daydreaming about coffee but he does his best to remain attentive. He catches the wallet when Jared tosses it him – but not before sneezing all over it though.  _Gross._  
  
“But how do you know that nothing happened between me and this….Chris guy, and ugh that’s just weird,” Jensen says as he leans back against one of the tables.  
  
“He’s straight, and he said nothing happened,” Jared says slowly, like he thinks that Jensen is the biggest idiot on the planet. “Have you stopped freaking out now?” He sounds worn out, tired and a little annoyed and Jensen hesitates. That appears to be the final straw for Jared and he stands up and throws his hands up in the air.  
  
“My head hurts too much for this shit, Jensen – I’ll be at home,” and with that he walks out of the door leaving a stunned Jensen in his wake.  
  
Jared  _never_  walks out on him, not even when they’re full on yelling about something mundane like how their room is always a mess within 3 days of Jensen tidying it up. Not even when Jensen’s been a miserable, whiny asshole. Jensen’s noticed it before and realised that almost everyone thinks that he’s still skittish over the whole relationship. And based on today’s evidence, who can blame him? Chris had a freaking bet on how long it’d last before he slept around, Chad hadn’t even sounded surprised on the phone and Mike keeps on asking him when Jensen will swap rooms with Chad again. Apparently Chad's snoring sound like “fucking Bieber and a foghorn combined together”. That’s not even counting the jibes he’s had to put up with from his other friends and basically every single person he  _knows_.  
  
Except for Jared.  
  
~*~  
  
Jensen knows that this is going to take more than an apology. He also knows that he has until the day to fix this otherwise he’ll be sleeping on his own and, he kind of sleeps better when Jared’s tucked up next to him. (Not that he’d ever admit to it.) So he does what he always does in time of crisis, calls his friends desperately until one of them pick up. Of course it turns out that he may have pissed everyone off today because none of them answer. After twenty minutes of hearing various voicemail messages he sighs and gives in and calls Jared, which admittedly probably isn’t his best idea.  
  
“Have you stopped being an idiot yet?” Jared answers on the first ring and Jensen’s so flustered that all he can say is  
  
“Uh…” and Jared sighs heavily before muttering  
  
“Guess not,” and he hangs up.  
  
 _Well, shit._  
  
Eventually, he ends up calling his Mom who when he recants the entire story to her laughs at him for a full five minutes.  
  
“Gee, thanks, Mom, I knew I could rely on you” he gripes with a scowl on his face, because what does it take to get some sympathy around here?  
  
“Please, if you wanted to be coddled, you would have called your Dad,” she says with traces of amusement in her voice and Jensen just sighs because she’s right.  
  
“So, what do I do?” he asks.  
  
“Are you really that dense? Ugh, college has ruined you hasn’t it? It’s undone all of my hard work. All of the blood, sweat and t—“  
  
“Mom,  _please_!” Jensen interrupts because he doesn’t have time for this. “Jared’s sick so I need a solution to this quickly so that I can go home and look after him,”  
  
“Oh for God’s’s sake…”  
  
“ _Mom_!”  
  
“Have you tried simply going home and looking after him?” she asks wearily and Jensen blinks.  
  
“No...” he says slowly.  
  
“Well that might be a start, and maybe try buying him something that shows him  how sorry you are. Actually, I still have that lamp shade you gave me last year even though I—“  
  
“A gift? I can do that!” Jensen interrupts as his mother finishes what she was saying  
  
“—don’t even have a lamp…”  
  
“Want me to order something?” she offers and Jensen frowns. Does she really think that he’s incapable of getting Jared a decent gift that hopefully conveys “sorry for being a sucky boyfriend”?  
  
“Uh, no. But thanks Mom. Talk to you later, love you – bye!” and he hangs up as she’s saying something else. He shrugs, she’ll just email him if it’s important.  
  
~*~  
  
“Can I get this gift wrapped?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Uh, yes.”  
  
“But, why not? I’m happy to pay extra?”  
  
“No offence sir, but why does it have to be gift wrapped?”  
  
“It’s Jensen, and well because it’s a gift. Which is why I want it to be gift wrapped…”  
  
“Ugh, they don’t pay me enough for this shit. You’re holding up the line.”  
  
“Bu—“  
  
“LEAVE!”  
  
“Fine. But I’m going to write a long complaint on the stores website or Facebook page about you…. _Kimberly._ ”  
  
“Yeah, you do that jackass.”  
  
As Jensen exits the stores he shakes his head to himself. Gee, people these days.  
  
~*~  
  
Jared’s still a little bit angry at him when he comes home and he tells Jensen to stay out of the room. Only it sounds like, “Stffy Outh ofth Ttfh Room.” because his voice is muffled by the door and distorted by whatever it is that he’s got. Jensen frowns a little as he stashes his bags behind the couch and flops down onto it. Chad who’s been sitting there with a blank look on his face just turns to look at him and starts to speak,  
  
“I’m covered in snot, tears and sugar. You _owe_  me.”  
  
“Wait,” Jensen says. “Tears? He was crying?”  
  
“He has an idiot for a boyfriend, I’m surprised that it took him this long to realise what we’ve all been saying for months”  
  
“And, what exactly have you been saying?”  
  
“That he tries way too hard with you! He’s so intent on proving everyone wrong, that he just lets you get away with murder.”  
  
“What’s so wrong with him proving everyone wrong?” Jensen asks, his voice laced with uncertainty. “Isn’t that the whole point?”  
  
“Yes,” Chad replies. “But it’s just him doing all of the work, you just…do what you want, when you had the flu last month Jared missed classes and everything looking after you. He gets sick today and has to convince you  _not_  to break up with him”  
  
“Sorry, I’m not perfect,” Jensen mumbles under his breath. “I’m trying here, okay – I am”.  
  
“You have to try  _with_  Jared, you’re supposed to be a  _team,_ ” Chad says and Jensen just stops and looks at him. Chad’s words sound vaguely familiar and far too insightful to be anything that Chad’s come up with him by himself.  
  
“Have you been watching  _Dr Phil_?” he asks and Chad flushes a little bit before he stands up and folds his arms across his chest.  
  
“Well, it’s your turn to look after him now,” he says, changing the subject. “Good luck. Oh and I cleared out your secret stash of gummy worms.” And, he flounces, slamming the door behind him, which must jolt Jared into awareness because he calls out for his best friend.  
  
Jared’s sitting up and has his laptop in front of him when Jensen enters their room and Jensen can’t help himself from admonishing Jared with a stern look as he removes the laptop from him, slamming it shut without looking at the screen. Jared just looks at him oddly and Jensen distracts himself from his gaze by putting the laptop back in Jared’s drawer.  
  
“You should get some rest,” he says awkwardly and Jared just looks at him. “What?”  
  
“Nothing…” Jared says eventually and Jensen mentally slaps himself.  
  
“Look, I’m sorry for everything. I just, I freaked out and Chris started laughing and said that he’d won some bet and I just came to the conclusion that I’ve been a shitty boyfriend. I just freaked out. Hell, Chad just gave me a bit of a reality check. I keep on forgetting that I have to consider  _both_ of the people in this relationship not just myself…”  
  
“Okay…” Jared says pliantly and Jensen wants to bang his head against the wall.  
  
“No, it’s not okay – you walked out on me Jared today, you’ve never done that…” Jensen’s voice trails off as he tries to find the words for what he’s trying to say.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jared replies as he misunderstands Jensen’s point. “I got angry and just…left before I said something I would regret.”  
  
“That’s my point Jared, you’re  _supposed_  to say those things, you’re  _supposed_ to get to walk out, it’s only natural. Why don’t you usually do it? Hell, I do it all the time!”  
  
“But, I know that you’ll be back…”  
  
“So, you think that if you walk away at any given point in time, I’ll what - freak out and cry over the fact that you’ve left me?” Jared doesn’t even respond he just looks at Jensen as if to day,  _well what do you think?_  And Jensen slowly realises that…it wouldn’t be completely out there to expect him to do that.  
  
“Ugh, I’m such a freak,” he says. “Did I mention that I was sorry?” Jared just shakes his head at him fondly.  
  
“Are we good now?”  
  
“Yeah, I think we are. We’re going to have to talk about this though, preferably when I’m not all snotty and gross” Jared says with a sniffle and Jensen’s face lights up as he remembers his gift. Chocolates and flowers would have seemed like he was trying to hard so instead he’d tried to come up with some practical and useful. Something that Jared would look at and remember him by.  
  
“You got me a suitcase?” Jared says in a stunned voice after he peels away the plastic bag. There’s an odd look on his face and Jensen wonders if he doesn’t like the style or colour or something. The lady in the store hadn’t been very helpful once Jensen had informed her that no, he didn’t want to purchase a $300 Louis Vuitton holdall.  
  
“I remember that you said that you’re old one was missing a wheel, last time you went home so I thought you could do with a new one…” Jensen watches in confusion as Jared’s shoulders start to shake almost violently.  
  
“Uh, are you okay?” he asks but Jared just shakes his head and Jensen realises that he’s laughing. He’s laughing so hard that tears are streaming out of his eyes. Jensen just frowns, not understanding the joke – there’s nothing written on the suitcase, it’s just a normal, royal blue suitcase. “What’s so funny?”  
  
“You…bought…me…a…suitcase,” Jared says in between fits of laughter. “As a sorry for trying to break up-through-text gift!” he breaks into fresh peals of laughter as Jensen just stares at him as if he has two heads. It’s only when Jared starts to cough rather violently that Jensen is snapped out of it and he rushes forward, handing Jared the glass of water that’s helpfully sitting on the table.  
  
“I’m kind of inept at choosing gifts,” Jensen says once Jared’s calmed down but his boyfriend just smiles at him.  
  
“Your mom called and - I mean, I didn’t know she had my number - but, yeah she told me, so I kinda expected it, but not a suitcase! Man, I have to call her up and tell her...” and Jensen pouts at the thought of Jared and his mom laughing at him. Even if it is a  _little_  bit funny. “But, she did send me something on your behalf...” Jared leans over and gets the laptop that Jensen had put away moments earlier, opening it up and taking it off sleep mode. Jensen waits patiently as Jared taps for a few seconds and turns the laptop so that Jensen can see the screen. His face flushes as he sees the email that his mother sent Jared. It’s a compilation of the pictures he’s snapped of Jared since they’ve been dating. Mostly take when Jared’s not aware of it, because those always tend to come out better. He blushes even further when he sees the message she added at the end of the email, “ _Jensen’s shit at picking gifts but gets pissy when you dare to call him out on it so just nod and smile when he asks if you like it”_. His mother is something, that’s for sure.  
  
“Dude, your mom is awesome!” Jared exclaims looking brighter than he has all day, and Jensen has to conclude that he’s right. But he’s not going to admit out loud after she’s shown him up.  
  
“She’s  _embarrassing,_ ” he grumbles, with an exaggerated pout. Jared just rolls his eyes and says,  
  
“Well, you’re forgiven. The pictures are great – hey maybe, you could have gotten me a frame!” and Jared’s off again as he looks at the suitcase, shoulders shaking with laughter and…Jensen can’t help but join in. Which just sets Jared off even more and soon they’re rolling around on Jared’s bed laughing wildly, only stopping when Jensen leans down to capture Jared’s mouth for a long, tantalizing kiss.  
  
“You know,” he says when they eventually pull apart, “You didn’t actually _look_  inside the suitcase…” Jared’s eyes perk up and Jensen’s hops off the bed, sets the suitcase flat and opens it revealing it to be stuffed with all sorts of candy.  
  
“Oh my god!” Jared squeals, eyes wide and round like he’s all of five years old. “I take it all back this is the best present ever!” and Jensen starts to regret revealing the contents to his sugar-loving boyfriend, putting up with 6ft 5 of hyperactive Jared Padalecki is no easy feat.  
  
“Don’t eat all of it at once,” he says as he pulls a face. “I really will dump you if you get fat”.  
  
“Ha ha,” Jared says as he grabs Jensen and pulls him towards him. “No you won’t. You’ll love me even if I’m fat. Besides you can’t give me up, baby”. He cringes at the “baby” but decides to let this one slide.  
  
~*~  
  
And later as he pulls a half empty packet of Twizzlers out of Jared’s hand and presses a gentle kiss on his clammy forehead as he sleeps, Jensen realises that Jared’s right.  
  
He can’t give Jared up, which is just as well, because he really doesn’t want to.  
  
 **Fin.**  
  



End file.
